📓 Blog Post 22 – “Investing 101 (For People Who Still Think Savings Means ‘Under the Pillow’)”

📓 Blog Post – “Investing 101 (For People Who Still Think Savings Means ‘Under the Pillow’)”
✍️ By Chaos Samuel

So let’s talk about investing — that mystical adult word people throw around while sipping coffee and pretending they understand crypto. ☕📉

This isn’t a get-rich-quick post. I’m not about to tell you to buy six NFTs and a goat farm in Bali. This is just so when money does come your way, you’re not standing there like: “What now?” 💀

Because, let’s be honest, half of us say “we’ll figure it out when we’re rich,” but when that paycheck hits, the only thing we “figure out” is how fast it can disappear on takeout and sneakers. 💸👟

💰 Step 1: Learn What “Investing” Actually Means

Investing isn’t gambling.
It’s not “let me YOLO all my rent into Bitcoin and pray.” 🙏💀
It’s putting your money somewhere it can grow — slowly, safely, ideally without giving you a heart attack every morning.

Stocks, bonds, funds, real estate, even your own business — all of it’s investing if you understand what you’re doing. 🧠

And as Mary Callahan Erdoes once explained perfectly:

“Most people make great sums of money by doing one thing really well. And when they master that one thing really well — like running the largest and most successful private equity firm in the world — nobody can beat them at it. That’s how they make their money. But to keep that money and continue to grow it, the trick is diversification. Diversification comes with having to master lots of different things, and generally, people find that hard to do — because they don’t have the time to do it.”

Basically — master one thing, build your wealth from it, then learn how to protect it through diversification.
One skill creates wealth. Many skills keep it.

🪙 Step 2: Chill with the Crypto Obsession

Dude… crypto is cool and all, but it’s also chaos with a logo. 🌀

If you can’t afford to lose it, don’t touch it.
Because at some point — and I mean this with love — you will lose it. 💀

It’s high-risk, high-drama investing.
Focus on the stable stuff first: your savings, your income streams, and your emergency fund.

Once those are sorted, then maybe buy a little Bitcoin, Ethereum, or a few other notable coins. 🪙✨
And if you’re feeling brave? Sure, sprinkle in a few “lost coins” — the ones nobody talks about but might moon.
Just spread the risk like peanut butter, evenly and calmly. 🥜📉

Crypto’s not bad — just not a babysitter for your bank account.

📈 Step 3: Before You Invest — Build a Safety Net

If you have £0 in emergency savings, don’t touch the stock market yet.
You can’t “diversify your portfolio” if your fridge is empty. 🍞😭

Start simple:

• Save 3–6 months’ expenses.

• Pay off high-interest debt (credit cards are the devil in a suit). 🕴️💳

• Learn to live on less than you earn.

Once that’s solid — then you can start thinking about making your money multiply.

And if you’re thinking of trading — first of all, relax. 😮‍💨
Only do it if you can afford to lose it. Because one day, you will. 💀📉

Let’s be honest — trading is just gambling 2.0 with a graph attached.
You’re basically staring at candlesticks and convincing yourself you see “patterns,” while the actual top dogs are working with data you’ll never have access to. 🕵️‍♂️💻

The hard truth? A company can lose value the same way it gains it. Stocks don’t care about your optimism or your rent due date. 📊😬
Unless you plan on getting insider info (which, just to be clear, is a federal crime ⚖️), your odds aren’t as good as you think.

So unless you’re some kind of stock god or a time regressor, respectfully, sit down. 📉

So here’s the real play:
Trade only when you can afford to lose it. Not as your main hustle, not as your day-to-day job — because unless you’re built for stress, you’ll be arguing with your monitor like it owes you money. 🖥️💢

Trading can pay, sure. But it’s risky — and risk should be managed, not worshipped.
Investing is supposed to protect your peace, not raise your blood pressure. 🧘‍♂️📈

Plus if trading feels like you’re playing emotional dodgeball with your own bank account, let me introduce you to something calmer: ETFs. 😌

ETF stands for Exchange-Traded Fund — which sounds fancy, but really it’s just a giant shopping basket of different investments. 🧺
Instead of buying one company’s stock and hoping it behaves, you buy tiny pieces of a lot of them at once. It’s like getting the sampler platter instead of betting everything on one spicy wing. 🍗📉

You’re basically buying little slivers of hundreds of businesses — tech, energy, real estate, maybe a few weird ones that sell pineapples and car parts.
So when one stock tanks, another might save the day. It balances out. ⚖️

If you’re fine with annual dividend returns between 1% and 10%, depending on what you buy (and whether the market feels generous that year 🫶📈), ETFs are your peaceful middle ground.

You won’t get rich overnight — but you’ll sleep fine, your money grows, and you don’t have to stare at charts like they owe you rent. 💤💼

Think of it like this:
Trading = gambling with flair. 🎰
ETFs = slow cooking wealth on low heat. 🍲

💼 Step 4: The Most Underrated Investment — You

Before you buy stocks, buy skills.
Read. Learn. Build.
Because if you don’t know what to do with £10, you’ll lose £10,000 the same way — just with better lighting. 💡

Courses, books, mentors, even trial and error — all count.
A sharp mind compounds faster than any index fund. ⚡

🏠 Step 5: Real Estate (For the Ambitious Ones)

Now let’s be real — real estate sounds sexy until you’re the one fixing a leaky sink at midnight or chasing unpaid rent like you’re in an action movie. 🧱💦

If you’re not ready to handle people not paying rent, don’t start there.
Here’s an example: let’s say you rent out 100 houses. Out of those, a few tenants won’t pay. You give them a one-month grace period, but if they still can’t pay — now you’re faced with the cold truth: you’ll have to evict them.

Not because you’re heartless, but because it’s business.
You both lose. They lose the home. You lose the income.
And let’s be honest — some of you probably won’t even have it in you to give that month grace period. 💭

And even worse, some of you go and build personal relationships with tenants. 😭
Bro, no. Because when eviction time comes — even if it’s not personal — you’ll ruin that relationship instantly. You’ll be the villain in their story, no matter how kind your tone was.

So have systems in place. 💼
Let someone else handle the paperwork, the calls, the “we need to talk” moments.
If they call you crying, say: “It’s protocol, I’m sorry.”
If you really care, maybe cover a week or two at a hotel — but don’t mix empathy with rent collection.
You’ll break your peace and your portfolio. 🧊🏠

If you’re new, maybe start with REITs (Real Estate Investment Trusts).
You get to invest in property without managing tenants, repairs, or awkward eviction notices.
Think of it as owning real estate while still sleeping peacefully. 😴🏢

🪙 Step 6: If You Hate Stress — Let Banks Handle It

Still, all this stuff can be stressful. Charts, numbers, decisions — it’s a lot. 😮‍💨
So if you’d rather skip the headache, just head to your nearest bank or brokerage.
They’ll invest on your behalf, help manage portfolios, and make sure you don’t blow your entire savings on Dogecoin. 🏦📊
You won’t get the same thrill, but you’ll sleep better — and sleep, my friends, is an underrated dividend. 💤

💳 Step 7: Spend Smart, Not Loud

Here’s a rule that’ll save your wallet and your sanity:
If you can’t afford to buy it twice, you can’t afford it once. 💸

When you reach that point where you can — fine, buy the car you’ve been eyeing. 🚗
Grab that Hermès bag if you’re a lady who worked for it. 👜
Or whatever your “I made it” item looks like. Just do it responsibly.

Luxury isn’t evil. Recklessness is.
Flex quietly, invest loudly. 🕶️

🧠 Step 8: Control Your Emotions

The market goes up and down.
That’s not God punishing you; that’s just how it works. 📉📈
Don’t panic sell. Don’t FOMO buy.

If your emotions control your money, you’ll be broke and stressed.
And trust me, that’s a combo meal nobody wants. 😭🍟

💬 Step 9: Don’t Flex, Build

When you finally start earning and investing, don’t turn into “that guy” who buys a car the moment his net worth hits five digits. 🚗💨
The goal isn’t to look rich — it’s to stay rich.

Because wealth whispers. Debt yells. 💀

So yeah, that’s your mini survival guide.
Not financial advice, just common sense with memes attached.

Money doesn’t change you — it just exposes whether you were disciplined or delusional.
Learn now, so when it comes, you’re ready. 💼🔥

Still, this is just a guide.
What you do with it? That’s on you. 😌

Plus, i’m only 18. Who am I to give you advice?
Take it or leave it — I haven’t even made something of myself yet.
Still, I will — undoubtedly. 💫
and that’s not arrogance. It’s just me being stubbornly certain.

Still, all I’m really lacking now is capital.

oh well, I’ll figure it out.

Even if I have to ask my parents for a few thousand or grind through a few freelancing gigs — i will. Afterall, i’ve got years ahead of me.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to boil some rice. My ears are ringing at this point.
Mom, I hear you — and apparently I’m her personal chef now, so I guess I’m making chicken stew too. 🍚🍗😮‍💨

— Chaos Samuel
🕯️ Writing without permission. 🌙 Living without labels.